I turned and told her, “You’re weird!”
About three months later we took a trip to Seattle and my wife arranged a side trip to the Utilikilt store. When we walked in I kind of liked what I saw but still wasn’t too sure about the idea of wearing a kilt.
A salesman named Otto helped my wife pick one out and she helped put it on by telling me to unbutton my jeans and slip them down off my hips a little in order to get the right fit. I was taking a look in a mirror and it still seemed a bit out of the ordinary. Meanwhile, Otto was whispering something to my wife and an evil grin grew across her face.
Otto started walking towards the front door to swing it open while my wife walked up behind, put her hands up my kilt and yanked down my jeans along with my boxer shorts.
As I turned to give her the, “What The Hell Are You Doing?” look, a gust of wind rushed through the front door, between my legs and under my kilt. And that was the enlightening moment I experienced the kind of freedom that cannot be found in a pair of pants. I believe it is called ‘The Breeze Between the Knees.’
Naturally, I bought the kilt. (A caramel colored Workman Utilikilt.)
I wore it around the house at first because I wasn’t comfortable wearing it anywhere else. Then one day it seemed alright to wear it while I was mowing the lawn. I got a few sideways glances and a couple of people trying to take pictures without being noticed. Over time I eventually got to the point of wearing it around town.
Yes, there will be people who whisper, people who stare. And you might even meet a rude, college aged twerp who tries to show off to his girlfriend by loudly pronouncing, “Nice skirt!” That boy just about wet his pants when I told him, “It’s only skirt if you’re wearin’ underwear! How bad do ya’ wanna find out?”
Judging by the flustered look on his face, he did not want to know the answer.
Judging by the smile on his girlfriend’s face, her curiosity was piqued.